And life threw us a curve ball - and now I have to decide what to do with it. My life isn't turning out the way that I planned. (and I'm a planner!) I spent the past 10 years trying to save Scott from the cancer that was predicted to take his life. I put all my efforts into research, phone calls, doctors appointments and even learned to read MRIs so I could ask the right questions. But it didn't work out the way we wanted. And now I have to decide how I want the next chapter of my life to play out. I could let grief take over and boy would I have a good excuse as to why things weren't working out so good for me. Or I could do what I have always done and take charge and make things how I want them to be. It won't happen right away and I'm sure I'll continue to have daily moments when I miss Scott and the life that I thought we'd have together. But then I'll pick myself up (and Paige and JJ too) and work to make life the way I want it to be - for me and for Paige and JJ. I'm not even sure yet what that life will look like yet but I know that I don't want to live it in long days of sorrow and Scott wouldn't want that either.
This week, Paige, JJ and I played a game of frisbee in the backyard one night. We were listening to music, the air was hot, and we were enjoying being together. That might not sound like much but it was fun...it was the kind of moment that I want to have many more of in my life. This is what I will work towards -- it might not be as grand as the plans of the past but it's a simple one that I can wrap my head around right now. Baby steps....