Really, I just miss Scott. The kids miss him, his Mom and Dad miss him, his brother misses him, all his family misses him, his friends miss him, we all miss him. Now it's Christmas time. The kids and I put up the tree, without him. We designed and wrote our Christmas card, without him. We decorated the house and hung the big wreath, without him. We go on with our lives, without him. And we miss him. And sometimes we are ok. Sometimes we are distracted by life - school, work, friends - life. But other times the distractions aren't enough and we are sad, unbearably sad.
I guess my brother helped me to realize this week that I'm a little lucky. He was trying to comfort me on a hard day and told me that I was lucky to experience the kind of love that Scott and I had for at least part of my life. And he's right. I know he's right. So although it might not help to ease my grief and really my grief is because our love was so deep, at least I had his love. So if that is the positive spin that I can make tonight, then that it is it. I was lucky to be loved by him.