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Sunday, July 09, 2017

Emerging from a Cocoon

During the past month our so, I have felt as though I've been emerging from a cocoon from which I had been using to protect myself from the outside world for a while.  After Scott passed away, I felt it difficult to engage in world happenings and even sometimes in the lives of those around me.  Even though I knew life was happening all around me, I wasn't sure I really wanted to be a part of it.  My saddness and lonliness was so deep that I didn't have much emotion left for anything else.

But lately, things have changed.  With the long days of summer and the busyness of life, I find myself engaged in what is happening in the world, outside of my own little world.  It's like re-entering life with a fresh outlook and a hopeful spirit.  Some days I wake up early and go for run and other days, I stay in my PJs and drink my coffee slowly. Either way, I look foward to the early morning time to "just be" and start my day.   I'm trying to move forward little by little, trying to enjoy life's moments, one day at a time.  This isn't what I imagined or planned my life to be but I know Scott would want me to be living it.   So that is what the kids and I continue striving to do.  

So far this summer, JJ has spent time with friends playing basketball, swimming at the pool, having sleepovers, and going to camp.  Paige spent a week in Mexico with our church working hard building houses for people who can't afford them. It was a life changing experience for her and she wants to return and do it again in 3 years.  And as for me, I made a summer to do list for which I am trying to complete at least some things each day - keeping busy most of every day helps me to keep moving forward.   We spend lots of time with friends and family and have the usual upcoming trips planned to Nantucket and Iowa with the Spoerl relatives.

So as I emerge from my cocoon, I am happy to be greeted by warm, sunny summer days spent with good friends, family, and new experiences and people.   And although I still have moments of deep saddness in which I mourn Scott and miss his presence in my every day life,  I now have some moments where I feel hopeful about the world in which I live and the days that lie ahead.   As always, I hope Scott is happy with the choices I'm making for me and for our famiy and the everyday decisions that I make in my world.    

Happy Summer!



  1. I love witnessing your journey, sis, and the presence with which you take every step. I'm so happy you are emerging in such a mindful way. All love to you.