The Last Post

Friday, November 17th would have been Scott's 45th birthday.  Although this birthday occurred during a very busy and emotional week in which my mother moved to an assisted living floor at Lantern Hill and started hospice, we made sure to take a moment on his birthday to "just be" together. The kids, Jan and I started the day gathering together for a birthday breakfast in Scott's honor before we started our busy day.  As we sat and enjoyed the large buffet of breakfast foods, we shared 45 things that had happened to us since Scott passed away that we'd like him to know.  At first 45 things to share seemed like a lot but when we reached 45, we realized we could have gone on forever.  Below is our list of 45 things that happened in the past year and a half that we wish Scott could know (and maybe he does already know).  These are in no particular order and are written as if we are talking to Scott:

1. We purchased an amazingly comfortable couch from La-Z-Boy that has 4 reclining sections and a swivel recliner chair.  We know that you would love sitting in them both.
2. We went to Arizona with Auntie Jen and learned how to ride horses which was a little outside our comfort zone.  JJ's horse walked away with him on it before he learned how to ride it but he had fun anyway.  
3. JJ went to basketball camp this past summer and won the Camper of the Year award - an award given to a camper with good character and good skill!
4. Paige made her confirmation at the Presbyterian Church at New Providence and found a home in that church.  She wrote an amazing letter of affirmation.
5. I bought a new car without your stellar negotiating skills but I think you'd be proud of my negotiating skills.  I just couldn't negotiate face to face.  The phone and email helped me tremendously.
6. Grammy talks to you with Katelyn while looking up at the moon.  Katelyn says she sees you up there.  That is pretty magical.
7. JJ started and finished 7th grade and had a great year.  
8. Paige started high school and got her varsity letter in swim.  This was a big accomplishment for her.
9. I went to the top of the empire state building for the first time in my life.  I thought of you while I was at the top and wished you could have seen it too.
10. Grammy braved the waves in Nantucket without you.  Fortunately they weren't too big!
11. JJ beat Papa in cribbage and loves to play the game a lot.  He's gotten quite good at it.
12. The kids are teenagers now and doing teenage kinds of things - you can imagine.  Jeez - wish you were here to go through this with me!
13. We now have fish as pets thanks to JJ's carnival game winnings.  Danny, the orange one,  is the only one who survived.  But we've added two more so that he'd have friends.
14. We moved Nana B. to Lantern Hill in January to be close to us in New Providence.  We love having her near by us.
15. JJ learned to mow the lawn in Iowa with Papa Ron.  He stayed an extra week in Iowa this summer on his own.
16. Papa taught Paige and Dylan how to drive a stick shift in his red truck before he sold it this summer.  
17. I have become the master of the grill in your absence.  My specialties are skirt steak, marinated chicken, and cedar wrapped salmon.
18. Grammy meditates about you every day when she looks up at the sun as she wakes up in the morning.
19. JJ started running track in the spring.  It would be no surprise to you that he likes sprinting the best and he's fast!
20. We went to Nantucket with Ben, Laura, Katelyn, and Brooke this summer.  It was FUN. :)
21. We cut down our own Christmas tree in 2016 (with the help of friends) and then we took a half day off work and school to put it up and decorate it. 
22. Grammy says that Julie is taking care of her...her example is the help with her cell phone.  We now have 5 on the family plan - Paige, JJ, Grammy , Nana and me.  haha!
23. JJ made honor roll 1st marking period of 8th grade.  Woo hoo!
24. We spent New Year's Eve with friends and did the mannequin challenge.  It was a fun night but Mommy missed you terribly at midnight.  
25. Donald Trump is the President of the United States of America.  I would love to hear you talk and talk about that fact.  I already know what you'd think though.  
26. Grammy (and we) are grateful for your work on trying to save the environment.  Climate change is making a big impact on the weather.  There have been lots of natural disasters this year :(
27. We learned how to play Mario Cart this year.  It's fun to do together but Mom is really terrible at it.
28. Paige is working hard to make healthy changes in her diet and lifestyle.  We are all trying to support her and do it with her. You'd be proud of her and you were a great example for her.  
29. We bought a volleyball net and ping pong table for the backyard.  We have spent lots of time together using them both while playing music in the summertime.
30. Uncle Ben taught Paige how to eat lobster on Nantucket.  Paige has some good taste in food - just like you.
31. Iowa beat Iowa State in Football this Fall and we watched with the Feeneys.  They wore Beat Iowa shirts and we wore Beat State shirts.  We will forever continue to be loyal Hawkeye Fans.
32. Paige went to Mexico with the church to build houses for people in need.  It was a life changing experience for her.
33. The Spoerl Brainstormer team raised over $20,000 for Voices Against Brain Cancer and donated directly to Dr. Lassman to continue to research to find a cure for this awful disease.
34. Paige's Relay for Life team was 32 people strong and raised $10,000 as the Spoerl Brainstormer team.
35. Paige continues to sing.  She is in concert choir and women's choir at school and part of the Salt band at church.  Her voice is a beautiful!
36. By choice, JJ didn't have a birthday party this year but he went on a church retreat on his birthday weekend and helped others instead.  You'd be so proud.
37. Paige helped the Heartworks organization on her 14th birthday.  She and friends gathered there to decorate a gathering/party room for families going through difficult times. They made some beautiful canvas paintings and we could feel your presence there with us that day.
38. We went to several shows and concerts including Dear Evan Hansen on broadway and the Imagine Dragons concert.  It's been fun doing things together.
39. Thirty second hugs are still given out by Grammy and received by others, the kids in particular.
40. We went to Kalahari water park and the kids each brought a friend with them.  JJ and Tyler screamed like teenage girls on the waterslides.  You would have cringed. 
41. Paige bagged food for people in need at Thanksgiving time in 2016 with friends.
42. Papa Ron has cured his hepatitis C with a new medication that was discovered.  He is having another hip surgery in December.  Watch over him. 
43. Ben and his family keep your memory alive with pictures on a special shelf in their home and they talk about you to Brooke so that she'll know her Uncle Scott. 
44. I met someone new.  He's kind, smart, and loving.  The kids like him.  JJ says he's made a new friend.  I think you would be happy that he brings comfort to me and adds happiness to our home.
45. Nana started Hospice and often talks about how you were like a son to her.  She hopes to see you and my Dad when she leaves our physical world.  The thought that she might get to see you again soon brings me comfort.

We continue to talk about Scott every day to keep his memory alive in our home and our lives.  We will always miss his presence in our every day lives as he was one of kind and a very special man, husband, father, and son.   We try to live our lives as he would have wanted us to live them with strength, resiliance, happiness and love.  

This post is my last.  I thank all of you who have read it over the past 11 years and have offered my family and me words of encouragement and support throughout the most difficult days of our lives.  This blog was a way for me to gather my thoughts, express my feelings, and I hope, maybe, to help some of my readers in similar situations.  

Love to you all. 

xoxo,

Julie